Car Crash Culture reviews: A Quiet Place

Yesterday I went to see A Quiet Place at the cinema with slight trepidation. Not because it was an absurdly sunny day to be going to the cinema but because I’m pretty shit at watching horror films.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love a scary movie. I’ve completely geeked out over many of them, from the masterpieces (The Shining), to the divisive (Paranormal Activity) to the pure unapologetic (Drag Me to Hell).

But as someone who has been known to jump ten feet in the air when the person I live with unexpectedly walks into the room, I have to be in the right frame of mind to take on a horror, otherwise I’ll end up watching the entire thing through my fingers.

So, being stuck in a cinema seat with no escape made me slightly nervous. But as it turns out, it was the best film I’ve watched on the big screen in a long time and I couldn’t tear my eyes away.

Usually when a movie finishes and the end credits roll everyone gets up, eager for fresh air or a toilet break. When A Quiet Place ended, everyone in the theatre remained seated for a while, having to compose themselves for a bit. Then all around I could hear conversations confirming my own thoughts. It was bloody fantastic.

It tells the story of a family trying to survive in a world that’s been ravaged by an alien invasion. It sounds like a pretty generic formula but what makes this film so interesting – and terrifying – is the fact the monsters are blind but have an acute sense of hearing. Therefore we see a mum, dad, teenage daughter and young boy living life as silently as possible, padding barefoot on sand-softened ground, communicating via sign language and the merest of whispers. The mute life is such a killjoy, they even have to play monopoly with soft felt pieces instead of metal dogs and handbags. Ludicrous.

And without giving too much away, there’s an absolute gut-punch of a first scene which shows exactly why they don’t want to be making any noise whatsoever. These creatures do not mess around. They hunt by sound and they hunt fast.

NOOOOOO!!!

Why does Hollywood have to take everything that’s good and shit all over it?

Ok, please bear with me as this may be somewhat of an self-indulgent post, but they are threatening to remake Drop Dead Fred, which was one of my most favourite childhood films ever!

They want Russell Brand to play the part of Fred, the insane imaginary friend.  NO! No no no no no no!!!!!  Words can’t express how much I hate this idea!

That role was MADE for Rik Mayall (who, by the way, I have been secretly in love with since the age of about eight.  Beat that for a weird crush).  Rik Mayall and no one else.  It would be like someone other than Tim Curry playing Frank ‘N Furter in the Rocky Horror Picture Show  (which I’m sure will be rehashed and ruined at some point as well.)

I’m sorry, but no matter how funny and quirky they are or how silly their hair is,  no one else can EVER be Drop Dead Fred in my book.   Ever.

Could Freida Pinto be the new Angelina?

Woah.  Unknown model to starring in an Oscar-winning movie and gracing the cover of Vogue in the space of a few months is pretty good going.

When I saw Slumdog Millionaire (which, by the way, I think is fantastic) I was rather taken aback by how gorgeous Freida is.  Could she be the next Angelina Jolie?  She’s already been snapped up for Woody Allen’s next film, so her career seems to be going from strength to strength. 

She also had that strange secret engagement that she recently broke off, amidst rumours that she’s dating co-star Dev Patel (utter rubbish in my opinion) … so it looks like her love-life will be under the spotlight as much as Angelina’s has. 

She seems like a sweet girl, so I hope she’s prepared for fame and the repercussions that can come with it.

Is The Dark Knight cursed?

Oh no.  Morgan Freeman has been in a car accident.  The 71-year-old was rushed to hospital and apparently is in a serious condition.  An unnamed woman was in the car with him.

I hate the sickening irony of posting this story, considering what I named my blog.

I really hope Morgan pulls through this OK.  He’s just one of those people that is very likeable.  Like everyone’s lovable but extremely cool grandad.  He was in the last two films I saw at the cinema (Wanted and The Dark Knight) and I thought he was superb in both – in fact he’s always great.  He even pulled off playing God in that rubbish film Bruce Almighty.

This is definitely going to start ‘curse’ gossip about The Dark Knight though. You know, like Poltergeist and Amityville Horror, where everyone connected to the film had nasty stuff happen to them.  First Heath Ledger died, then Christian Bale got in trouble with the law and compromised his reputation, and now this?  If I was a cast member of that film I’d be rocking back and forth in a locked room by now.

But seriously.  I was actually planning to write about the film, but in a more positive light, because Heath’s acting 100 percent blew. Me. Away.  The guy has to get an Oscar.  And no, I’m not saying that just because he’s dead.  You don’t see people saying that Anna Nicole Smith was actually quite a good actress, so why would people say it about Heath for the hell of it?  The man was seriously, seriously talented.  And so is Morgan.

Please recover quickly Morgan!  We’re all thinking of you.

Miaow!

Jennifer Aniston must have walked past or something…

So there’s talk of Angelina Jolie, aka Queen of the Universe, being cast as the next cat woman.

Well duh!  Just look at her.  She has what must be the most gorgeously feline face in the world.  Sigh… sorry where was I?  My eyes keep wondering back to the picture.

Seriously, I think the role would suit her perfectly.  Not just because of her looks but because she’s really quite good at smouldering and kicking arse while not saying a great deal.  

Take Wanted as an example.  She’s always pouting, and looking great, all while shooting someone in the head or breaking their back, but she only ever utters a line every half hour. 

Not that she can’t deliver lines, as her performance in Girl, Interrupted proves.  Therefore if she’s going to be type-cast as the hot-but-mysteriously-tormented-action-goddess, so be it!

Either way the woman is going to win with this.  After all, the Razzie-winning version that starred Halle Berry is not going to be hard to beat is it?